When Rest Becomes Escape: How Healthy Pastimes Can Become Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

I love to read fiction.

I love stepping into another world, meeting new characters, and getting caught up in a story that makes me forget everything happening around me. There is something wonderful about opening a book and leaving the pressures of real life behind for a little while.

Reading can be relaxing. It can stir our imaginations, expand our understanding of others, and give our minds a much-needed break. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a good book.

But if I am being completely honest, sometimes I am not simply reading because I enjoy it.

Sometimes I’m hiding.

When I’m stressed, upset, overwhelmed, or trying to process something painful, it can feel easier to disappear into someone else’s story than to remain present in my own. Instead of acknowledging what I am feeling, having that difficult conversation, or bringing my hurt before God, I can pick up a book and quietly check out.

And because reading is generally considered a healthy pastime, it is easy to justify.

After all, I am not doing anything destructive. I am just reading.

But even good things can become unhealthy when we ask them to do something they were never meant to do.

The Activity May Not Be the Problem

When we think about unhealthy coping mechanisms, our minds often go immediately to things like alcohol, drugs, overeating, or other obviously destructive behaviors. But unhealthy coping does not always look unhealthy from the outside.

Sometimes it looks like working extra hours.

Sometimes it looks like exercising every day.

Sometimes it looks like keeping the house perfectly clean, constantly serving others, scrolling through social media, watching television, shopping, or filling every moment of our schedule.

And sometimes it looks like reading just one more chapter, which, if you are anything like me, can quickly become several more chapters!

None of these activities is automatically wrong. Many of them can be healthy, productive, and enjoyable. The deeper issue is not always what we are doing. Sometimes it is why we are doing it.

The question is not simply:

Is this activity good or bad?

The better question may be:

What am I asking this activity to do for me?

Am I allowing it to help me rest, or am I using it to avoid my life?

Am I enjoying it, or am I depending on it to numb what I do not want to feel?

Is it refreshing me so I can return to my responsibilities, relationships, and emotions with greater strength? Or is it helping me remain disconnected from them?

The same activity can be restorative in one moment and avoidant in another. That is why we have to look beyond the behavior and honestly examine what is happening in our hearts.

Rest and Escape Are Not the Same

God created us with a need for rest. We are not designed to work continually, carry every burden without relief, or remain emotionally engaged every moment of every day.

Sometimes we genuinely need to step away.

We may need to sit quietly, take a walk, watch a movie, enjoy time with friends, or curl up with a good book. Rest is not laziness, and needing a break does not mean we are weak.

Healthy rest gives our minds and bodies room to breathe. It allows us to return to our lives refreshed and better able to face what is in front of us.

Escape is different.

Escape does not help us return. It helps us avoid.

Rest says, “This is difficult, and I need a break before I face it.”

Escape says, “I do not want to feel this, think about this, or deal with this at all.”

Rest strengthens us for reality. Escape creates distance from reality.

The line between the two can be subtle, especially when our method of escape appears harmless. But one way I can recognize the difference is by paying attention to what happens when it is time to stop.

Can I close the book and return to my life, or do I feel compelled to stay inside the story?

Do I feel restored afterward, or do I feel more disconnected?

Have I given myself a healthy break, or have I simply postponed something that still needs my attention?

And here is a tough one, do I get angry or annoyed if someone interrupts me, demanding I come back to my reality? Ouch!!!

Why We Hide

Most of us do not develop avoidant coping mechanisms because we are lazy, irresponsible, or unwilling to grow. We develop them because something inside us feels too painful, overwhelming, or uncertain to face.

We may be trying to avoid conflict.

We may not know what to do with our anger.

We may be afraid of what will happen if we admit how hurt we really are.

We may feel powerless to change our circumstances.

Sometimes we are simply exhausted, and temporarily escaping seems easier than sorting through one more emotion.

Our coping mechanisms often began as attempts to protect us. They helped us get through something we did not yet have the tools, support, or strength to process. Recognizing that should lead us toward compassion—not shame.

But something that helped us survive one season may keep us stuck in another.

God does not expose these patterns to condemn us. He brings them into the light because He loves us too much to leave us hiding behind them.

God Invites Us Out of Hiding

Psalm 62:8 tells us:

“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” NKJV

I love the invitation in those words: pour out your hearts to Him.

God does not ask us to clean up our emotions before we approach Him. He does not require us to pretend that we are fine, minimize what hurts, or offer Him a carefully edited version of what we are experiencing.

He asks us to come honestly.

We can bring Him the stress we cannot fix, the anger we are afraid to admit, the disappointment we cannot make sense of, and the pain we have been trying not to feel.

God Himself is meant to be our refuge.

That does not mean we cannot enjoy books, hobbies, entertainment, exercise, or other forms of rest. It means those things cannot carry what only God can carry. A book may distract me from my pain or stress for a few hours, but it cannot heal my heart. A hobby may calm my mind temporarily, but it cannot give me lasting peace. Staying busy may keep me from thinking, but it cannot lead me into freedom.

Only God can meet me in the places where I am tempted to hide.

And sometimes, after I have poured out my heart to Him, the answer may still be to rest and read a book. The difference is that I am no longer asking the book to rescue me. I have already taken my heart to the One who can.

Learning to Pause Before We Reach

Changing these patterns does not necessarily mean giving up the things we enjoy. It means becoming more aware of why we are reaching for them.

Before I pick up a book, I can pause and ask myself:

What am I feeling right now?

Am I choosing this because I want to enjoy it, or because I do not want to face something?

Is there a conversation, responsibility, or emotion I am trying to avoid?

Have I talked honestly with God about what is happening inside me?

Will this help me return to my life refreshed, or will it keep me disconnected from it?

We may not always like the answers, but honest answers are not something to fear. They give us the opportunity to make an intentional choice instead of automatically falling into a familiar pattern.

Sometimes I may realize that I truly need a break—and I can enjoy it without guilt.

Other times, I may need to set down the book and sit with what I am feeling. I may need to pray, journal, call someone I trust, establish a boundary, or have a conversation I have been postponing.

The goal is not to remove every comfort from our lives. The goal is to make sure our comforts are not keeping us from healing.

An Invitation, Not a Condemnation

Maybe fiction books are not your hiding place.

Maybe you stay constantly busy so you never have to sit quietly with your thoughts. Maybe you pour all your energy into caring for everyone else so you do not have to acknowledge your own needs. Maybe you lose yourself in work, exercise, television, social media, food, shopping, or even ministry.

Whatever it is, you do not need to respond with shame.

Instead, become curious.

Ask yourself what you may be trying not to feel. Pay attention to the situations that make you reach for your favorite escape. Invite God into the moment before you automatically check out.

A healthy pastime can still be part of your life. You may simply need to return it to its proper place.

We all need rest. We all need moments of enjoyment, beauty, laughter, and relief. But there is a difference between resting from our lives and hiding from them.

God is not waiting to shame us when we come out of hiding. He is waiting to meet us there—with truth, grace, and the courage to remain present in our own stories.

Because as comforting as it may be for me to disappear into someone else’s story for a while, God is still working in mine (and yours).

And our stories are worth showing up for!